she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
