Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize