operation harelip BJ is a go
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
