didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
