I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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