Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
