I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I puked a lego.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
