I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize