Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
