It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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