I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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