I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
