I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
