and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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