Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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