There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
