..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
