so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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