rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Actions speak louder than pants.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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