In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
