So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This beer is not sobering me up at all
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
