mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
420 ftw
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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