chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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