There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
