I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
