I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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