Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
