let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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