I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize