Cold hands, warm shart.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
