I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
