I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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