i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
