Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
sex in a hospital.. check
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
