Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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