you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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