he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
