Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
