Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
