WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize