I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
