just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
