is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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