I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
smell my finger.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
