Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
