I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
