You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
