I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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