Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
