I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
