Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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