The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
