so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
