Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
