I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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