Having a random hookup so left but love u
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
