he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My vagina is officially offended.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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