You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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