So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize