Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
