Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
