Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
