i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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