a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
