I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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