my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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