Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
