if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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